Christmas

It was so nice to be home for the holidays this year. A house full of kids, bacalhau on Christmas eve, spending time with my in-laws (seriously hit the jackpot with them), hand sewn stockings Chuckie and I made for each other and our babies, too many gifts and too much delicious food. 

Family family family.

Thanksgiving was really nice this year. It was my first time being home in years and we went to my favorite Uncle's house like we used to do. It was so. surreal. to watch Bijou sliding down the stairs and Jolie and Malakai walking and crawling all over the place and getting into everything. Wasn't it just a few years ago that it was me and my sisters and cousins doing that? I have so many memories of being a kid at Uncle Joe's house, of Bruno and Catarina being so, so little and now they are both taller than I am. It was really one of those, holy shit, I'm an adult moments. 

I've been having a lot more alone time with Jolie and I loveeeeeeeee it. She definitely gets the least attention out of the kids because she isn't demanding at all, and it's basically impossible to play with her when Bijou is around. She has been coming over and she is THE GREATEST BABY. If I want to sit and watch tv, she sits with me and cuddles. If we want to play, she is satisfied just running up and down the hallway and laughing. She is the sweetest thing in the world.

Bijou, who isn't even four, BEAT ME IN BOWLING. Straight up, I even used bumpers sometimes AND I got a strike and she still beat me. How embarrassing. This kid.. I can't with her. 

Raishaun being home has been the greatest thing ever. He cooks full meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Everything is always homemade and it is always the greatest thing I've ever eaten. He makes me GF versions of things and I make him cheesecakes and muffins in exchange. Monique and I were laying in bed last night and he comes in with plates of pork roast, mashed potatoes and greens for us. HE DOESN'T EVEN EAT PORK. It is the greatest, I feel like a queen. Tonight I'm trying to convince him to make his homemade meat sauce that is to. die. for.  

Did I really just write a whole paragraph on someone cooking for me? Don't judge me.

Lately.

Lately my life is full. Full of faces I love, sisters and babies and closest friends. Full of reunions. Full of homemade dinners and desserts. Full of beautiful trees and leaves and weather. Full.

Bijou and I had a sleepover last weekend. We stayed up late, ate ice cream (twice), watched Jem and the Holograms, went to the park and played with one of my oldest, closest friends, Jason, and his girls. I thought it was going to be my temporary baby fever cure as it usually is (she is my heart, but babygirl is a handful) but it actually just made it feel like, wow, this is what it's all about. Walking around the town center holding both of our hands, swinging her in between us like my parents used to do to me. Waking up early to her poking her head in, a huge smile plastered across her face, crawling into bed with us and saying "Auntie Sarah, I'm SO happy I woke up here!" and making bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches together. 

This week my best friend moved home and I couldn't be more thrilled. We haven't lived in the same state in three years and it has been so refreshing to be together and talk about the stupid stuff we did when we were 16 and sing at the top of our lungs to our old favorite songs. Being apart for so long resulted in a lazy friendship of texting and emails, so to go back to seeing each other a few times a week is so much fun and I feel like we have been renewed. And when Chris, her boyfriend, is around, it just completes it. Him and I are basically the same person (Sorry, Alyssa) and we just talk talk talk talk talk. He gets me on everything, even spiritual stuff, which makes everything feel right and united.

Monique's boyfriend came home after being away the entire year and I feel like I'm going to burst with emotion because of it. We didn't expect him to be home until next summer, but a fabulous turn of luck/fate/whatever it may be, brought him home this week. I really didn't think it would effect me so much, but waking up and finding out I literally felt my heart swell. I'm just so so so so happy for him and my sister and Malakai and their beautiful little family. He's been around for years and years and I have always loved him so much, and I still can't get over seeing his face around the house and out with us. It's perfect.

<3

Goodbyes and stop-bys.

I think it's safe to say this week has been fairly exhausting. Chuckie's Uncle David, who we spent a ton of time with while we lived in Atlanta, passed away last week. It was totally unexpected and hit everyone pretty hard. We drove down to Georgia early Thursday morning to say our goodbyes and spend time with family. It was so good to see everyone again, but it was sad not having David there, who was always the one putting a smile on your face. Even though living in Atlanta had a lot of negatives, I'm so glad we had that time there to spend with him (and the rest of the family), and I'm so glad he got to share our wedding day with us (which was a huge deal to him as well). 

On a lighter note, we stopped in Durham on our way home to see one of my favorite ladies, Haley, who recently moved there with her sister. I cannot express how happy I am to have her in driving distance. She just gets me and I've missed her so much. We made friends with the owner of an awesome bar and had a fabulous brunch.

Chuckie has lost over 30 pounds in the last few months so we also went on a little shopping trip. As much as I love shopping for myself (number one choice, let's be real) I LOVE shopping for him. I have no idea why, maybe because it's like grown up barbies except Ken is not a California fucking creeper. All I can say is he's looking pretty god damn sharp, especially now that he's a Real Adult with a Real Job and isn't just wearing khaki dickies all the time (the bane of my existence). 

For now I am so glad to be home and in bed, cuddling with the children and my flan, finishing up my book (Gone girl, which had me saying OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!? over and over again. I recommend it), and preparing for my work week to start (which I'm ready for, WHO AM I!?!). Goodnighttttttttt!

Sisters.

My sister recently saw my blog and wasn't happy with the lack of her on it. I remember making a conscious effort to not talk about them all the time because I think I do IRL, but then I realized I almost never talk about them on here which is NUTS.

My sisters are my favorite people in the entire world. I have been so fucking lucky to have built in best friends, support systems, and two people who always understand me. Jessica was a little asshole to me when we were middle school aged, but we haven't had any problems since, and Monique and I have always been close. We have had periods of time where we literally do everything together (even worked together.. ah, IHOP skillets and 3 hour lunch breaks, I miss you). 

I'm constantly struggling with where to live/what to do with myself and the main reason is these jerks. I tried and tried to deal with living far away from them and I just couldn't. I love that since I've been back I see Jess at least once a week and Monique probably every other day. Monique is the only person on the planet who I can spend every second of everyday with and we never fight, never get into it. She came with me to Atlanta to help me move and we took a mini road trip, and even on the last day together we were still talking non-stop and laughing hysterically and just looked at each other and said 'how the hell do we do this? Why are we so in love?' I honestly don't know how we manage it. I'm so glad I moved back (temporarily) to remind myself just what we have.

When I think about the future and how I only really want one kid, I get such a sense of guilt because how could I NOT give my kid a sister? I think to myself that if we live close enough that she'll always have her cousins and it'll be good enough but really, will it? Is it even possible to have a connection like this without being siblings? And then I try to remind myself of all the siblings who don't get along and couldn't care less about being close and I really just can't even imagine. They drive me nuts and we're all so different but they're my soulmates and I can't imagine it being any other way.

New York Weekend

Monique, my dad and I took a weekend trip to New York for my cousin's graduation and another cousin's christening. I had a fabulous time. Even though I only lived there as a kid, New York has always felt like home to me. You'd think after 20 years in Virginia I'd feel that way about here, but I don't, and I never will. I kind of ruled out ever living in New York again because of winter, but I may or may not be considering it when we move again (I know, I'm crazy, I can't help it).

Friday was Victor's party at the restaurant he works at and oh. my. god. The food. THE FOOD. I eat Portuguese here all the time but it's just not the same. I basically died over and over again from how delicious it all was. 

caldo verde, which I posted a recipe for here 

Carne de porco à alentejana (pork, clams & potato), worth dying for

Saturday we had a barbecue to go to, but Monique and I slipped away early so we could have our own barbecue with my cousins. We sat around a fire pit, made s'mores and stayed up until 3am talking. It was really, really great. My sisters and I were always sort of the outcasts of the family. We were the only ones who didn't have two Portuguese parents, didn't speak the language much, and my mom kind of kept us away from everyone (on both sides, actually). They have all been really close their entire lives and it always makes me sad that I missed out, but I finally feel like we're all forming better, closer relationships and it really makes me happy. Better late than never. 

Sunday was the christening, which was another excuse to wear a cute outfit and stuff myself until I couldn't walk. 

HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE THIS CUTE? 

We headed back to my aunt's house and sat by the fire all night again. It's so nice to be around family, especially when they're people you like enough that you would be friends with them anyway. I'm going to make sure I visit a lot more from now on, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'll even move there. God help me.

And just because he's adorable and my family ALWAYS ends up singing when we're together (why? I really don't get it and never will) my formerly very shy little cousin coming out of his shell (aka drinking). 

Makin' moves.

Lots of changes have been happening since I last posted. A shop in our hometown started calling Chuckie a month or so ago asking him to come work for them, they had been trying to work together for years but the timing never worked. At first I was all absolutely not, no way in hell, I'd rather die than move back to Virginia, but when we came up to talk out all the details I realized that it really was the best decision for us (AKA decent money amirite?). Atlanta was growing on me but both of us being unemployed for 6+ months destroyed my savings into the saddest little number I haven't seen since I was 14 and I didn't feel like our luck would ever change there. 

SO we decided we would move back by the end of May, say our goodbyes and explore Atlanta as much as we could in the last month. While we were up talking out the details they were all 'lol we changed our minds we really need you here in TWO DAYS.' Yeah, seriously. Coincidentally, one of Monique's many admirers works for a moving company and just happened to be going to Atlanta that very weekend, so things worked out perfectly. I found an adorable condo for us to live six streets down from my sister that also happened to be on HGTV (did the universe know I've been watching it all day everyday for the last five months?) There is no one above us or on one side of us, we have an entire field as our front yard, an awesome trail in the woods right next to us, pool, etc IT IS FABULOUS. 

Me, Monique and Malakai took a few days to drive back so we could stop in Asheville and Charlotte. We had amazing readings and food in Asheville and it was just another reminder that it is absolutely the right place for us when we leave here (hopefully in one year, at the absolute most maybe two). 

We've been here less than a week but I'm still pretty happy with our decision. I've been spending a ton of time with my bff, my sisters, and my nieces/nephew. I get to be irl friends with Heather, a fabulous lady who I never got the chance to form a solid relationship with while I still lived here (our blogs brought us together ;)). Monique and I even worked out TWICE, and that is more than I've done in the last five years. So far so good, but I'm sure I'll be kicking and screaming about it in a few months. That's just my nature. 

The Wedding!

As much as I bitched, moaned, and complained to everyone about having to have a wedding, it was perfect. So, so much better than I could have thought it would be. 

Niec and I woke up and ordered room service (have I talked about how amazing room service is yet? Because it's probably the greatest thing ever invented.) and tried to stay calm about everything that was about to happen, especially considering I no longer had time to slack (Running to walmart on Easter for a million things? Sounds like a good idea. Making a seating chart an hour before it starts? Sure! putting together all the favors that were sitting in a box untouched forever? Why not!)

  

The day felt hectic of course, we were running late and my sisters were taking a while and Bijou was all over the place, but luckily I didn't have time to get too nervous. I thought I would be shaking and freaking out but I didn't at all. My heart starting pounding when I watched my sisters walk out but then I just felt like hey, these are all people I love, I don't have to be 'perfect' at this, what's the big deal? 

The song I was walking down the aisle to came on and it was just so perfect that I didn't even care anymore. 

The ceremony was so much easier than I thought it would be. Bijou stood behind me and played with my dress and put flowers and probably dirt on it the whole time, which made me laugh. I glanced at our friends and family to look at Alyssa crying to make me feel less nervous when I started to feel twitchy (sorry to laugh at you for your emotion, you know I mean it in the best way possible). 

I think the best part of the ceremony was a butterfly landing right on me (my butt to be exact, how sweet) and then landing on Chuckie's arm right after. It felt like it was a ~sign of good things to come. Although in the moment I only knew it landed on him while five seconds later a bug landed on my arm and I couldn't help but say 'why did you get the butterfly and I got a bug?' 

The food was to die for, all of my favorite people were there, everyone looked beautiful, it was wonderful. I didn't know if I would even end up dancing  but once we requested Ginuwine - Pony, the party got started. 

We drank and danced all night. Bijou tore up the dance floor. I belted out Taking Back Sunday - Cute without the E which was one of my favorite moments of the night. Alyssa fell out of the photobooth when we tried taking a picture together. We dance sandwiched the people who weren't getting down. Chuckie did an interpretive dance for the camera. I sat on a huge vase that was soaking wet. My boob fell out when I danced too hard.  

We went back to the hotel at the end of the night and continued the fun. Uncle Joe kept me up until 3am repeating himself about how much he loved his life (and motorcycles). Eric got yelled at by my dad and promptly fell asleep on a bench. 

We didn't do a lot of traditional things. No toasts, no first dance, no cake cutting, no bouquet toss. I didn't feel second hand embarrassed for myself at any time, which is all I ever feel at weddings. Danny and Lauren who run the venue kept telling me it was one of the most fun weddings they have ever held. The videographer told me it was the best wedding they shot all year and he was so happy he got to experience it before him and his girlfriend started planning their wedding because it was exactly what he wanted. I generally don't believe people when they say stuff like this about weddings, but you know what? I believe it. Because it was that fucking fabulous. A giant party with amazing food, 2k worth of booze, perfect weather and my favorite people in the entire world. 

Austin & friends

Austin was just as amazing as I thought it would be. The Sunday night we got in we met up with a few friends at one of my favorite bars (Liberty) and it was like falling in love with them all over again. More and more friends showed up and I felt surrounded by love and laughter and happiness, I can't even explain it. In my one year in Austin I made more long lasting, true friendships than I have in my entire life. A lot of these pictures are shitty quality but idgaf because these nights were amazing and need to be remembered here.

Shirley, truly one of my soulmates

By Wednesday I woke up with strep throat, but really I think it was just me giving myself an excuse to not worry about finishing all the wedding related things I had to do. My sisters flew in that night which resulted in typical sister + three baby craziness. Thursday was supposed to be ladies night out but being on antibiotics and not feeling so hot we ended up walking around first Thursday (one of my favorite Austin events) and eating at the food trucks. My baby cousin Catarina came in with my sisters and I was so, so excited. She's 16 and the most loving, mature, wonderful girl I know. The absolute complete opposite of everyone I knew when I was 16 (including myself). She was so excited to be in Austin and I tried to show her the best time I could.

Friday I got to spend the day with a lot of my Portuguese family. We walked around downtown, ate delicious lunch, and sat out at a wine bar and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I don't see my family very much anymore but I love, love, love them. They gave me a sense of real culture my entire life and my Uncle Joe (Catarina's father who has always been my favorite uncle) has a way of making every situation more enjoyable and making you see the better side of life. This is a man who goes on and on about how beautiful and wonderful his family is and how he's the happiest man in the world, wrote "be happy" on our wedding check and reminds me that even if things aren't great in my immediate family that we're like his daughters and he'll never let us be mistreated. It gives me so much hope to see that he has never lost his spark, no matter what life has thrown at him. /sappy

Friday night was "gay night". Every single guy friend I have in Austin (unless in a relationship with a close girlfriend of mine) is gay, not to mention my brother in law was coming in that night and he needed to experience Austin's gay scene. It was FABULOUS. I had the best time laughing and drinking and watching the boys dance in cages and eating whataburger at 3am.

 I got to spend a ton of time with Sandra (who was a good friend from VA that I convinced to move to Austin, stupid, stupid me because now I need her back in my life)  and even though every picture we took together was terrible quality I just can't help but absolutely love them because she's one of the best ladies I know.

Saturday I picked up & had lunch with Alyssa, one of my few best friends who I haven't seen in two years. Even though I do pretty well not living close to friends, it was great to see her face after all this time. We had a rehearsal dinner with all the family which was interesting but also really nice. Niec spent the night so we could have good girly time on my "last night", and made me cry with her gifts (I swear, I haven't cried in a few years but anytime we're together and have one of our special (aka ativan) nights, I cry. It's amazing.) 

I wish so badly I could pick up Austin and move it to the east coast. The city, the people, the lake, the food, everything. It is an almost perfect town for me other than the fact that it's stuck in the middle of Texas. We're playing with the thought of moving back, but I know it's not the right step for our future (although the step that I know is right is the one I'm majorly struggling with). I just hope I can visit every year and keep these friendships and moments and memories alive. 

Wedding post tomorrow!

Breaks, VA and Malakai.

I was really good at this whole blogging thing last month, but February has been quite slow. For the first time I felt like I really needed to step back from the internet, specifically the few places I spend most of my time on here, for various reasons. BUT I am not giving up on you, blog!


I went to Virginia for almost two weeks to welcome the newest love of my life, Malakai. 

He is adorable and so alert and has a scream that sounds exactly like Prince. Monique's labor was horrible and terrifying but I'm doing my best to block it out and just think about this little guy. I also got to spend time with my favorite girls (Chuckie can be included in this category)

I seriously cannot get enough of these ladies. Jolie is the happiest, fattest, sweetest little baby, and Bijou has more personality than I have in my pinkie. That girl is amazing and crazy and is going to turn Jessica's hair grey before she hits double digits.

We stopped in Carrboro, NC on the way up to check it out after having it recommended to me a few times. I really liked it, all local coffee shops and cafes and a nice vibe. Of course after I thought 'I could live here' I realized it it's one of the more expensive towns in the area, I suck at this.

On the way home we stopped in Richmond to check out a neighborhood. I'm trying really, really hard to convince myself that I love Richmond and could live there since it's only an hour away from my family but I'm not quite convinced yet. When I think about it I just think of all the annoying hipsters from Woodbridge who went to VCU and the impossible parking and the fact that Virginia is a gross, backwards, republican state that thinks my uterus is government property. Not that NC is great with that either. Once again hating that I have a need to be close to them when all the places I want to live are so far away.

Oliver did great on this roadtrip which is a big step for him since he's terrified of the car! Halfway through he decided he wanted to assist Chuckie in driving and then pose with me from the backseat. No drugs necessary. 

It was great seeing everyone but I am soooooo happy to be home. Lola hasn't left my side since. I can never go home without getting sick (if my mind isn't rejecting VA my body is) and an eleven hour car ride only made it worse, so I'm off to medicate and drink tea (or whine about it to Chuckie and eat M&Ms, whatever).